Babies Don't Keep

So often our evening routine is a rushed frenzy of bedtime activities. After dinner and a walk, Jason scrubs the girls in the bathtub to shrieks of delight, while I ready their room and grab pajamas to dress them snugly in when bath time is over. We read a book, and then Lorelei is off to dream land with her cup of water clutched firmly in her tiny hands, while Caitlyn snuggles on the couch for some cartoon time.

Normally, by the end of the bedtime marathon, I am exhausted and ready for the girls to be down for the night. I am ready for a glass of wine and adult conversation about anything other than potties, singing toys and why peanut butter is preferable over carrots to a 3 year old.

On Monday nights, I am REALLY ready for 7:30 to roll around, and I long for a peaceful, quiet house. On Mondays, Jason has a night class, so I get the supreme pleasure of doing it all alone. Let's just say Monday is normally a "two glass" night when it comes to wine.

Today was a rough Monday. Caitlyn threw up in the parking lot at preschool, so she had to come home, and that meant we were housebound for the day. The girls and I are movers and shakers, and we hate staying cooped up inside. So, by this evening, everyone was whiney and tired.

Lorelei fussed all through dinner, and I decided to give her an early bath to try to break her sour mood. She sobbed through the bubbles, and glared at the bath toys through swollen, red-rimmed eyes. After a quick rinse, I scooped her up, wrapped her tightly in the towel and began a slow, rocking dance, punctuated by a gentle "shh, shh, shh" melody. She gazed at me with rapt attention as her shaking shoulders slowly became still, and her hiccuping cries silenced.

Not wanting to break the spell, I dressed her in sweet footie pajamas as quickly as I could, and settled down in the rocking chair, staring into her big hazel eyes the whole time. She was so sleepy, fighting off the heavy droop of her eyelids while her sweet baby scent enveloped me- really, is there any better fragrance in the entire world than that of a clean, warm baby?

Just as she has done since the day she was born, she pressed her chubby little hand up against my chest, as if she was trying to hold my heart close to her, grasping it firmly to her cheek. Little does she know my heart is already hers and always will be.

As we rocked, she took me back to the very first days of her life, and she reminded me of the first days of Caitlyn's life as well. I spent those first days with them, barely able to sleep for wanting to hold them and memorize each and every feature. Following each birth, I stayed awake the entire night through, just cradling them, unable to tear my eyes away from their precious faces.

Rocking Lorelei as she finally drifted off to sleep, my whole being was calmed, and it felt incredible to shake off the long day and just simply savor 20 minutes with my growing baby. They say babies don't keep, and they surely have it exactly right. Both of my girls are changing and maturing every day.

So I am grateful and humbled that Mama can still quiet their restlessness just by holding them close. I am thrilled that my baby-rocking days aren't quite over, and I am reminded just how sacred these little girls are- how special every moment with them is.