I am so lucky.

Back when I was pregnant with Caitlyn, I found a web group for moms due in the same month as me. It was fun to talk with people who were experiencing the same symptoms as me, who were decorating, planning and learning about being a parent. It was fun, when the babies started to arrive, to see pictures and celebrate new lives each day. I don't chat with the original group anymore, but several of us spun off and created a private board, and I count these women among some of my dearest friends. We plan meet-ups and exchange gifts--they are an amazing group of women, and I am proud to know each of them.

One of the moms from the original board has faced cancer with her little girl. Her daughter, nearly the exact same age as Caitlyn, has battled cancer since she was 10 months old. She suffered through chemo, radiation, losing her hair and a total hysterectomy before she was even three years old. Happily, she went into remission back in February, but now the cancer is back. This little girl is in pain, again. She is fighting, again. She is living in a hospital, again. Her poor little body has not gone a single week without medication.

I am just crying as I type this because it isn't fair, it isn't right. My sweet girl has been able to run and dance and sing and play and travel and do everything she wants to do, and someone else's little girl cannot. My little girl will likely get to grow up and drive and date and go to prom and go to college and get married. And someone else's little girl might not.

As tough as this is for the little girl, as painful as it is for her, my heart is crushed with the pain and hurt that her mom feels. It makes me feel physically ill to think about, and I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to live through cancer, watching your precious child hurt.

I am an idiot to get frustrated at the end of a long day. I am incredibly dumb to ever lament the fact that Caitlyn is difficult to get down for a rest. I am selfish to wish for peace and quiet for ten minutes. Oh, I know. All moms wish for those things, all moms need a break.

But, I have had the luxury of taking all of those things for granted, and today I am reminded of that luck, that grace which allows me to swoop up my healthy daughters in my arms.

I am lucky.