Taken For Granted

I really thought my first post of 2010 would be something lighthearted and fun- maybe an entry about Jason's first time on snow skis or a quip about some cute thing one of the girls did or said. I never thought my first post of the new year would be anxious and reminiscent.

I'm the product of the typical American family, by which I mean that I am lucky enough to have four parents- two biological and two of the step variety. Though step-parents often get a bad rap, I'm pretty lucky in that regard.

My stepdad, Steve, came into my life when I was 13 years old. At the time, I thought it was pretty cool that he was a professor and people called him "Dr. Wheeler." I really thought it was neat when he took us to work to see all of the interesting science stuff he had laying around (fetal pigs, giant frogs, skeletons, etc.), and I loved it when Steve's students called out to him or asked questions while we were there- since we were with him, it felt like we were afforded extra special status, too.

Although we had the typical growing pains of any blended family, Steve tried really hard to make us one whole family (I'll never forget being scolded by Steve's mom for licking my fingers while eating a messy dessert. Steve's response was to slurp and lick each of his fingers defiantly, making me feel instant kinship). When I think back on the many rollerblading trips, outings to the racquetball court and countless camping expeditions, I really have to give him credit. Though he'd already braved the teenage years with his own daughters, he never shied away from having to participate in the terrible teen years with my brother and I. He gamely shouldered the responsibility of being a full-time dad, and he participated 100%. Even at times when my own father was not there, Steve was always at the football games, dance competitions, UIL events and award ceremonies. Steve even attended events for my highschool boyfriend and could always be counted on to stay in the loop and cheer from the sidelines.

Steve was there for proms (taking hundreds of pictures), driving lessons (completely decked out in a mock neck brace when he taught me to drive a standard), scholarship applications (proofreading) and most of the other "fun" activities from my teen years. He encouraged me to take college classes while I was still in high school, he encouraged me to go to Germany as part of a summer exchange, he encouraged me in every single thing I ever did-always.

He was also there every night when I got home from work. If you've ever met Steve, you probably would not describe him as a talker. Lucky for him, the rest of our family are talkers! Though I'm sure there were nights he would rather have poked himself in the eye than talk, Steve was always willing to listen to me. He sat in his big blue recliner, and I sat in the floral rocking chair (now re-covered and sitting in MY living room), and we talked. We talked about science and philosophy, school, current events and people, my future and my brother, family and a hundred other subjects. Steve is great to talk to, and when he says something, it is always well thought out and usually sage.

Steve was there when I went to college, and he hugged both my mom and I as we cried when it was time for them to leave me at the door, and he was there when I moved (and when I moved again and again and again). He was there when I got married (twice), there when I bought my first house, he was there when I was hospitalized during my first pregnancy, and he was there when Caitlyn was born. He's been there to play with all the kids, and my life came full circle when he took my girls to work with him to show them all of the interesting science stuff.

Steve is ALWAYS there. For a long time, I thought he was mostly there because my mom was there. But, as I got older, I realized Steve was there for me too, and even if my mom were not, he would still have been at all of those wonderful milestones in my life.

Oh sure. There were rough spots. I am, after all, human, and Steve is not(in spite of all the good I've just shared) perfect. We clashed at times. He got on my nerves, and I got on his. I rolled my eyes, Steve doled out "the LOOK." Those who know Steve, who have ever crossed Steve, know the Look. Sometimes accompanied by a huffy exhalation, the Look is given when you are sitting in Steve's spot, when you don't offer to bring in groceries, when you bring your giant dog to visit or some other similar offense. But, here's the thing about Steve- while he might sulk or Look all day long, he never, ever says anything ugly or hateful. He rarely makes snide comments, and I could count on one hand the times I've heard him make a derogatory comment about someone. Though the Look might hurt your feelings, or bruise your spirit temporarily, Steve doesn't leave hurtful words ringing in your heart long after the offense is past.

And here's the other thing about Steve- he can't stand to let hurt feelings last. I vividly remember being in the 9th grade. Steve and I had some argument one morning before I left for school, about what I cannot tell you. What I can tell you is that during lunchtime, amid a sea of adolescent noise and chaos, I spotted Steve from across the cafeteria. He'd driven 30 minutes from work to come see me, to apologize for our quarrel, to make it right, in a move that is just SO Steve. When you are uncertain or anxious or hurting, Steve has big, warm hands that just knead the hurt and worry away. He gives great, supportive hugs, he squeezes your shoulders and you just know it will all be ok.

And now Steve is sick. He has some stupid, serious disease, and quite frankly, it pisses me off. As he put it, "it's a dirty trick." He is being poked and prodded and worked up and dialysized and oxygenated and intensively cared for, and it's rotten. Steve has always been so solid and so stable (certainly more so than most people I know), and now he is sick.

His road to recovery is going to be long and tough, but I know that if anyone can rise above a rare blood disorder, it is Steve. I know that if anyone is stubborn enough to insist that he get better, it is my mom. They make a good team, in all things, and in fighting off a gloomy diagnosis, I think they're well-matched. But my heart aches with worry and anxiety. I've always taken Steve for granted, that he is there and that he will continue to be there. And I'm worried that I didn't say "I love you" enough or "Thank you" enough. I worry that he doesn't know just how much he means to us and how much we need him to be ok.

So, Steve, even if you cannot read this right now, I'm putting it out there. We love you. We need you and your hugs and your advice and your understanding. Hell, we even need the Look sometimes.

So ends another year

Another year is drawing to a close, and I find my brain absent the list of "shoulda dones" or "wish I dids" that normally accompany this time of year. I'm perfectly content with how 2009 played out, and that isn't something I've been able to say very often before.

We were lucky enough to spend a lot of time with each other, and our family got to travel to some amazing places this year. Even better, we got to share some wonderful trips with some wonderful people in our lives. Not only did we get to see our families (almost every single relative we have, at that!), we also got to take on adventures with some incredible friends, too.

Jason fulfilled some of his professional goals, and I did the same--that has been a great feeling and source of satisfaction for each of us.

We got to celebrate 4 amazing years of marriage. It has been an outlandish, fun-filled, dramatic, loving, joyful, chaotic, nourishing, intense, beautiful journey, and we look forward to many more years together.

We've been able to watch our lovely girls grow and change from babies into toddlers and from toddlers into preschoolers- how amazing that has been!

We've grown our family by one giant mutt who loves each of us and makes us laugh together.

We've been healthy, and we have been reminded of just how fleeting and precious good health is, so this is not something we take lightly.

It has just been a fantastic year, for the most part.

Even in the things that have not been wonderful, such as the situation with Josh, Jason and I have taken comfort in the fact that we are a team, and we have done everything we can to remedy a rotten situation. While the rough stuff has not been easy, we've fought the good fight together and continue to do what we can until one day it may make a difference.

2009 has been the best year of my life so far, but I'm not giving up the pursuit of topping it- I'm living each moment to the absolute fullest. 2010 promises to be just as wonderful.

Christmas Countdown

Christmas cookies baked? Check.

Holiday cards in the mail? Check.

Presents wrapped? Check.

Christmas Day brunch planned? Check.

Trip to see Santa? Fake snow for Santa "footprints"? Reindeer food packaged?

Check. Check. Check.

I cannot believe how quickly this year has passed, and I'm stunned that Christmas is almost here. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of holiday parties, special activities, shopping, wrapping, baking and tying up loose ends.

We took Caitlyn to see The Nutcracker for the first time, and I think we will make it an annual tradition. She loved the dancers, the costumes, the music and the pageantry of a trip to the theater. It was fun helping her get dressed for a big girl date with Mama and Daddy, and watching her face as she watched the ballet was one of those priceless events Mastercard likes to put in their commercials. I cannot wait until both of my girlies are old enough to go together!

Our Christmas Day will be a quiet affair. The girls have a very modest number of presents beneath the tree since we have chosen to take them on a special trip later on in the year. They have what they need, they will get a few extra-special gifts they are sure to love and we will avoiding adding so much excess to a toy closet that is already bursting at the seams. We've decided to continue our tradition of seeing a movie on Christmas Day, and we will spend the rest of the day relaxing at home with each other.

It's kind of nice to make the holidays a low-key affair.

Our Family Pictures at the Beach

I was reading my friend Kim's blog today about her adventures in trying to take pictures of her girls for their family Christmas card. Her description of the process made me laugh because she captured the experience perfectly. In fact, she made me want to share our family Christmas picture adventure because getting a Christmas card picture is quite a feat, as so many parents know.

This year we decided to take family pictures while Chris was visiting, and since we all love the beach, we thought that would be a perfect spot to take pictures. Jason and I have learned a few things about taking pictures with kids.

1. You have approximately 12.6 minutes to get the pictures taken. Schedule an hour session, if you must, but know that the extra 47.4 minutes are gonna be a big fat waste of time.

2. Do not (EVER) put the actual picture-taking

outfits on the kids before you arrive for the session. Even if you don't give them anything to eat or drink, something will be spilled in a prominent location on the garment. Let the kids ride in the car topless, and then slap clothes on them at the last possible second.

3. Have a game plan ahead of time. Don't worry about what the photographer tells you to do. When you get there, run like hell to your pre-assigned places, grab a kid and smile for all you are worth.

4. Do not underestimate the weather. Even if it is 70 degrees out, your child will begin to whine about how he is "FREEZING, and I can't even feel my feet" about 3 minutes in. Yes, the same child who will happily play in 50 degree water, swearing up and down that his lips are always blue.

5. Don't waste your time telling the oldest child he needs to always be looking and smiling. Because he won't. So you might as well save the frustration and just accept that when you finally get a great shot with the baby smiling, the oldest will be picking his nose or looking in the opposite direction.

6. When the photographer tells you she wants to take some shots at this great tree that is just "right over there," don't go. The tree is a mile away, across muddy sand, filled with bugs and your kids will break down in a puddle of tears before you are even halfway there.

7. Relax. Have fun. Remember that the quirky things your kids do in the photos, like posing like a princess or smirking with nose wrinkled up are priceless bits of their changing personalities that you will never get back.

So, without further ado, our photos:

What day is it??

Things at our house have hit the fever pitch that always comes with the holidays. As if that wasn't enough to keep us busy, we just finished our Thanksgiving visit with Chris, I took the GRE and Jason has finals going on. Add that to the normal craziness that comes with kids, a cat, a dog and working, and, well, I hope you can understand why I have written nothing in a month!

So . . . . here's a quick update:

Thanksgiving with Chris

Jason went out to visit with both boys for a few days before coming back here with Chris for a week of togetherness. The girls were head-over-heels in love with him, and he played his big brother role really well. He is growing up so quickly, and even though he lives primarily in a house that is night and day different from ours, he adjusts so easily and fits in so well.

We spent two days at Great Wolf Lodge, took family pictures and had a yummy Thanksgiving meal.

We also hit up the first Christmas Town Busch Gardens has ever hosted, and a jolly time was had by all.

As per our usual tradition, the Christmas tree went up on Thanksgiving Day, and it was interesting to try to hang ornaments with 3 little kids.

GRE

It has long been a dream of mine to max out my educational opportunities with a doctorate. However, with Jason in the Army and kids to take care of, the timing has always been a challenge. I am in the process of applying to several schools in hopes that I can start once we move next year.

I spent several weeks preparing for the GRE, and I really should have started much, much sooner. But, I didn't make a final decision to begin the application process until October, so I did not have much time. The verbal section never scared me since that comes easy to me. However, the math? Well, that's an entirely different story. Other than the statistics class I needed for my Masters degree, the last math class I took was 10 (yes, TEN) years ago. And I was very frustrated by the review books and their ridiculous math practice tests. In all honesty, I completely ignored the math information for the week leading up to the test because it made me want to cry.

And cry I nearly did when I finally went in to take the test and saw my unofficial scores. Let's just say I shocked myself because I way outperformed what I thought I could do. Glad that's over- it certainly makes my Christmas seem more merry and bright.

Jason

Jason is studying. We have one more week until we get to really spend time with him, and we are all counting down! One more semester of law school left!

Caitlyn

What can I say about Caitlyn? She is a mess. Her current pastimes include playing Spiderwick Chronicles (in which she slays goblins and dances like a fairy), playing Dora (in which she orders "Boots-Lorelei" around on adventures) and cracking me up with her daily litany of observations. She also likes to pretend to be a cheerleader, a doctor, a ballerina, a hiker and a teacher. Just the other day she told me she wants to be a teenager-doctor-cheerleader when she grows up.

Lorelei

Long our quiet little girl, Lorelei has begun to find her voice (for something other than shrieking, that is). She is still the adventurer in the household, and there is nothing this little girl is afraid of. I had to rearrange the living room because I did not want her to plummet to her death, since her daily pastime is to try to scale new heights and reach points never seen by a 16 month old before. She is still a sweet little cuddlebug, and we love her to pieces.

The Animals

What can I say about them? I'm not a huge fan of the cat, and I love the dog. Both like to play with the kids, shed and eat. Oh, and Smoky likes to run through the woods on our family hikes and wiggle his whole body when Jason gets home.

Sleeping girls

After a long day, filled with stress and strife, it takes a while to wind down. A glass of wine, perhaps two, goes a long way in melting away the worries of the day.

However, there is an even better cure. Go into your child's room once she is asleep, and just watch her. See how sweet and innocent she looks, snuggled up with her books and her stuffed animals. Check on your baby, and watch her breathe in and out peacefully. Rub her warm little back, and feel the tension melt away from your body.

An even better cure is to lay down with your kids, letting their appealing child smell fill your nose while their warm little selves snuggle up to you for security. This works well when Daddy is out of town, and is sure to take you back to the months when they were tiny babies who would fall asleep on your chest.

Really, it doesn't get much better.

Happy Halloween

This year was, by far, my favorite Halloween thus far. The girls were adorable and polite, and they both enjoyed trick-or-treating.

We went to the local outlet mall as we have done since we moved to Williamsburg because the stores are close together, which means little feet don't get worn out so quickly. Both girls walked the entire time, and Lorelei shrieked anytime we tried to carry her.

Caitlyn was very good about waiting her turn at each store, and she made sure to thank each person for her candy. Once, as we were leaving the store, she said, "Oh no! I forgot to say thank you!" We ran back inside so she could thank the lady for her tootsie roll.

Lorelei took a few minutes to warm up to the idea and fully get what was happening. The expressions on her face when the first few people added candy to her bucket were priceless! It didn't take her long to start charging into stores, loudly announcing her presence and begin to nod her thanks at the bounty of sugary sweets that came her way.

Lorelei was precious and cuddly in her pink flower costume. I can't believe Caitlyn wore that same costume just a few years ago. What cute sisters my girls make!