Pajama Preferences

Kids often have strange aversions and preferences that can change from week to week. One week your kid is sleeping with the Tylenol bottle*, and then the next, she chucks it across the room when you hand it to her at bedtime, ya know?

Both of my girls have some fairly odd quirks, so at this point, I think it takes something really weird to shock me, but Lorelei has done it with her latest pajama preferences.

Two months ago, my mom bought the girls some very adorable pink monkey jammies. They are your run-of-the-mill cotton winter jammies--no odd zippers, scratchy tags or built-in teeth on the smiling monkeys.

Regardless, Lorelei has developed a deep-seated dislike for her pink monkey jammies. Though she wore them just fine for the first six weeks she had them, now she throws a GIANT fit if they come anywhere near her. Seriously, I should get her reaction on video because, as upset as she is, it really is kind of funny.

Tonight Jason tried to put the offending jammies on her after her bath. She squirmed and screamed and shoved them as far away from her body as she could. We finally got her calmed down by talking about how cute the monkeys are and had her nodding away while we put them on her.

She played happily in the jammies for a few minutes before a smiling monkey on her sleeve caught her attention, and she immediately tried to rip the clothing from her body. Again, we were able to calm her down by telling her how cute her jammies were.

As we stood in the bathroom, joking about monkey nightmares that must have set off the aversion, Lorelei scampered off *we thought* to play, thoughts of tyrannical monkeys banished from her mind.

Ha! Nothing in parenting is EVER that easy!

A few minutes later, Lorelei walked in with a different pair of pink jammies she procured from the stacks of freshly washed laundry. She held them up and demanded, "These!" as she again tried to pull off the ones she was wearing. Since the only real difference between the two pairs is the fact that one has kitties and one has monkeys, we've concluded that a monkey somewhere offended our little red head.

Being the kind parents we are (after apparently tormenting our 18 month old by forcing her to wear jammies she hates), we removed the first pair, dressed her in the new ones and called it a night. Lorelei was pleased with the change, and she proceeded to throw the perfectly fine jammies in her closet before running off to chase her sister.

Although we don't quite get her sudden disdain for the cute pink monkeys, at least she has some great problem solving skills, right?

*Yes, Lorelei slept with a tylenol bottle for months. It was empty.

Happy Things

I feel so bogged down lately, and I just haven't taken any time to update here. So, yet again, some high points:

* Caitlyn has decided she wants us to move to Alabama. When I asked her why, she told me, "So we can be closer to Disney." Oh, ok. But sorry, kiddo--not moving to Alabama!

* Lorelei is growing up so fast all of a sudden. She has a VIBRANT personality, and it always shines through, but lately she is talking so much. Monday night we went to California Tortilla, and she pointed to a ceramic lizard on the wall, and, clear as a bell, said, "Gecko!" Where she learned that word, I don't know. But it was a gecko!

* Caitlyn declared that she wants to marry her Uncle Joey. When I explained that she can't marry him because he is her uncle, she wasn't impressed by that answer. She just told me, "Well, I just love him."

* Chris loves to read so much. When I get to talk to him on the phone, we normally spend most of our conversation talking about new books he's read or wants to read, and I usually have some suggestions for him. It tickles him that I've read most of the books he likes, and he loves to report back on a suggestion I've made. The other night he told me, "My favorite things are reading and writing . . . I'm just like you!" My heart just melted--I am so glad we have such a tight bond.

* Lorelei is using the potty about 50% of the time. I am nowhere near ready to start the horrific process of potty-training, but maybe it will be a snap with her?! She grabs herself when she needs to go potty and yells, "PEEEEEE!" And she must give kisses and high fives when she goes in the potty. My big girl.

* The other day the girls and I did a makeover party. I painted their nails, put on some fun makeup and fixed their hair with glitter and special clips. They had a ball picking out crazy colors and then selecting an outfit to model from the dress up box. After criticizing shows about child pageants, I felt like a bit of a hypocrite, but the girls sure loved it. Of course, we didn't leave the house, it was just for fun, I used eyeshadow and lipgloss only AND I would never, ever, ever do anything like a pageant with a toddler! But, we got some cute pictures:

How a 3 Year Old Deals with Death

I guess I should stop being so surprised when Caitlyn grasps something beyond her years or acts more like a 10 year old than a 3 year old. Probably I should have anticipated that losing PawPaw would affect her deeply and profoundly. But, I didn't.

When we headed to Texas, the only thing we told Caitlyn is that PawPaw was sick, and we needed to go help him and Grammie so he could get better. We never talked about him dying because, frankly, that wasn't even in the cards at that point.

The first day we saw Steve at the hospital was fairly low-key. He was up and about, he could talk, he could walk and he looked like himself, for the most part. Caitlyn ran right over to his bed and climbed up next to him. She hugged him, and they did pirate faces. My mom has a picture of this, and I need a copy of it- priceless. Caitlyn told PawPaw all about our Disney trip, and she sang some songs for him. She expressed quite a bit of concern that his feet were swollen, and his shoes didn't fit. Lorelei gave PawPaw a hug and called out his name--a newly acquired skill she was excited to show off. We didn't stay long, maybe an hour, and then we left so Steve could rest.

I didn't expect her to be so concerned once we left the hospital. Normally when we visited Texas, there were times when we didn't see Steve everyday because he was at the lake or taking care of his parents. But, the very next day, Caitlyn was clamoring to see PawPaw. We went to Target to pick up some things, and she nearly threw a fit over finding shoes to fit PawPaw. She stood up in the cart and loudly INSISTED that he needed shoes to fit. In her little mind, there was something very concerning about him not having shoes, and she wanted to fix it. I wanted to ease her worries, but we couldn't find any shoes to fit him, and she worried over that all week.

On Thursday morning, the day after we were told there was not much else they could do for Steve, I took the girls to the hospital to see PawPaw one last time. I still hadn't said anything to Caitlyn about his state, other than that he was in a special room (ICU) and there were lots of machines helping him. When we got to the hospital, Steve was unconscious, but very agitated. It was a bit unnerving, even for me, so I was concerned about how Caitlyn would handle it. In true Caitlyn-style, she just barely hesitated before going to give PawPaw a hug. Even Lorelei patted his arm, cooing, "PawPaw." Caitlyn told Steve she loved him, and then she turned to me, with her great big blue eyes, and asked, "Mama, is PawPaw dying?"

I didn't know what to say, so I just gave her a hug and told her he was trying very hard to get better, but he might not be able to.

She was subdued until we got back to the car, and then she completely broke down. Not a toddler tantrum breakdown, but a heartbroken, grief-stricken sob fest. Her whole body shook as she cried and cried. She said she wanted PawPaw to be alive for a long time, and that she loved him. She cried about not being able to go to his work again, and she worried about Grammie. She screeched that she didn't want him to die. She told me she didn't like this. I tried for 15 minutes to hold it together and reassure her. And then, finally, I just cried right along with her. Actually, that seemed to help her. We were both sad and mad and hurting, and I think that made her feel better.

For the first time in a long time, I wished I had some sort of religious beliefs that would help me navigate this tough journey. I wished I could just tell her PawPaw would go to heaven, be happy and that we'd see him again someday. Instead, I told her that we would always have love and memories of PawPaw inside our hearts. I told her PawPaw would go back to being part of the Earth, and she seemed to like that. We talked about his soul (the part of him that made him PawPaw), and how his soul would be gone from his body. We talked about how we would not be able to see him anymore. Somehow, she came to the conclusion that since his bones weren't going anywhere, his bones would always love her.

The night before the funeral, Steve's brother (who bears an uncanny resemblance to Steve) walked into the house. Caitlyn was moping on the floor, very sad about her PawPaw. She glanced up to see Mike coming in, and she yelled, "PawPaw!" The split second of sheer joy was almost instantly replaced by sorrow when she realized her mistake. She just hung her head, and my heart broke even more than it already had.

A few days after the memorial service, I was programming our new car with OnStar. When the representative came on the line, we ran through some information, and then he put me on hold. Caitlyn asked me where the voice was coming from, and I told her it was like a phone in the car, and that the man was just in a place we couldn't see. She got really quiet for a moment, and then she shouted, "Mama! Mama! Call PawPaw, call Pawpaw!" How sad she was when I told her it didn't work that way.

She continues to talk about PawPaw and how much she misses him- she says he was her very best friend. The other day, she told me we needed to call Grammie to check on her. She was worried about Grammie being alone at home since Uncle Joey is in the Navy now, and PawPaw is gone. She constantly reassuring Lorelei that PawPaw's bones still love her, and a few days ago I found her behind the couch telling the cat that PawPaw would always be in his heart.

Last week, she told me that when she gets married, she wants to get married at the funeral home because PawPaw is there, and the flowers are so pretty.

I know that Caitlyn will remember PawPaw (because she really has an amazing memory), and for that, I am grateful. On the other hand, there are days that I would happily trade her understanding for something that brings a little less hurt and sadness to both of us.

Our New Car

When someone you love dies, there is a lot of awkward time--stretches of hours where you are waiting to meet with a funeral home director, waiting for the day of the service, waiting for guests to come or go, just waiting. It is difficult to fill that time because you are sad, hurting, angry and drained. It is especially difficult if you have young kids who need to get out of the house, along with a mom who needs some quiet time in her home without said young kids.

Jason and I did a lot of driving around in the couple of days just after Steve died. It was the easiest way to let the kids nap, while also allowing my mom to have some private time to grieve and regroup.

On one such day, we ended up at a car dealership. Do you see where this is going?

Two years ago, we bought a Mazda CX-9. I really thought it would be our "10 Year Car." It had plenty of room, got decent gas mileage, wasn't outrageously expensive, and would have been paid off this year. However, it had some flaws that did it in:

1. HUGE, massively long doors. Really, that doesn't sound like a big deal until you spend lots of time getting small kids in and out of car seats in tight parking spaces.

2. It could not tow anything. Not good when you have an active family that would like to camp. Or at least have the option to.

3. Access to the third row was terrible. Again, maybe not a big deal with older kids, but car seats made access to the rear nearly impossible. Who really wants to ask their guests to crawl into the third row from the rear of the vehicle?

When we were at Disney World in January, we looked at a display for the Chevy Traverse. Among other things, the interior had the set up of a minivan with captain's rows in the middle row--an idea I've been talking about for a while. I love the layout of a minivan, but I don't want to actually drive one. So, this vehicle seemed great!

Anyway, we ended up buying a GMC Acadia (same as the Traverse) while we were in Houston. The transaction was smooth, we got a great deal and we solved all of the issues our Mazda presented that kept it from being the "Perfect 10 Year Car." All is well, right?

Sure it was. Until two days after we bought the car and we were unable to unlock it.

What? We couldn't unlock the car? How is that even possible?

Apparently, we won the unlucky lottery with our new car purchase. We managed to pick the one in a million car that had some unidentifiable issue with the locking system. About 50% of the time, we were only able to unlock the driver's side door, making it necessary to climb over the seats (and car seats) to manually unlock the rear doors. Makes extra-long rear doors seem like an insignificant inconvenience, right?

But, it gets better. During the 50% of the time we could not unlock the doors, we were also unable to LOCK the doors, including the driver's door.

Do you see the problem? Try to put the kids in the car- CAN'T. Try to get the kids out of the car, once you've driven and the doors have automatically locked- CAN'T. Try to lock the car once you've completed the acrobatics necessary to get the kids out- CAN'T.

Kind of a big deal. Especially when you consider some sort of emergency situation, like some deranged rapist stalking you in a parking lot or a stalled vehicle on a railroad track or an accident which precluded entrance from the driver's door.

Now, I know, all cars can have their issues. But, pretty much when I buy a brand new vehicle, I kind of expect to be able to actually get my family in and out of it. Call me a high maintenance, but I consider doors that open and close to be a necessity.

Anyway. Very long, very involved story ensues, and I come to the "happy" conclusion that not only can the dealership NOT fix my car, neither can they figure out what is wrong with it. Nice, huh?

Unfortunately for the dealership, who apparently thought they could send the little woman on her way with a "That's that and hope it doesn't happen again," they didn't realize who they were dealing with.

I'm not easily intimidated or blown off. I'm not ignorant, and I'm just the tiniest bit outspoken. I refuse to be taken advantage of, and I expect things to be reasonable and fair. Asking me to drive a car that I may or may not be able to unlock is neither reasonable nor fair. Not to mention, that during this particular week, my emotions were already running high and I was just the littlest bit on edge.

After a few days of going back and forth with the dealership and several attempts to replicate and fix the problem (and many, many heated conversations with everyone from the service manager to the owner), I ended up with a brand new, new car. Identical to the original new car, with the exception of doors that actually work. Plus a few extras.

In the end, we have a great new car that I hope meets all the needs of our family for quite some time.

But, the lesson learned is that you probably should not shop for a car during an already stressful time. Because if things do not go smoothly and the unexpected crops up, you could easily find yourself imagining dozens of ways to blow up a dealership. I'm glad it didn't come to that!

Here We Are

I've had a hard time sitting down to write anything here. My last entry was written for my stepdad, Steve, just a few days before he passed away (because he was in the hospital, and I wanted a way to tell him how much he means to me). His death came as a total shock, and I am grateful that I'd organized my thoughts before they were grief-stricken.

The interim month has been hectic, so how about a rundown- bullet style- of happenings in our life?

* At the beginning of January, we took the girls on a quick, budget-friendly trip to Disney World. No details, other than we had a wonderful time and the magic is alive and well.

* From Florida, we drove over 1000 miles to see my parents in Texas. Why? Well, Steve was in the hospital, I'd had a tearful conversation with him just days before and I honestly just broke down in tears after talking to my mom. It wasn't that Steve was in dire shape or anything. I just needed to be there. And my wonderful husband just pointed the car west.

* I spent the last three days of Steve's life at the hospital, and I am so happy that I did. I got to be there with my mom at one of the most awful moments of our lives, and as much as it devastated, I would not change a thing.

* The girls and I stayed in Texas for another two weeks after the memorial service. We got to visit family, play with friends and hug my mom a lot.

* My brother got to come home from Navy boot camp for several days. As sad as we all were, it was awesome to see him. He looks great, acts proud and it made me happy to see him doing so well.

* Jason got his grades from last semester, and he did well. Guess that procrastination push worked for him!

* We got the list of possible places we can be stationed last year. It includes most major United States bases, along with some dream assignments, such as Hawaii and Germany. Horror of horrors, it also includes Fort Sill. If we are ever unlucky enough to go back there, I may commit a crime just so I can avoid that hellhole in favor of prison.

* Caitlyn has had a hard time dealing with her feelings about Paw Paw. She is so intuitive and wise beyond her years, a gift that makes this sort of thing harder on her than it should be for a 3 year old. That is enough material for an entire entry on its own.

* Lorelei is talking so much lately, although she still prefers to lazily gesture and play charades for most requests. She learned to say Paw Paw on our way to see him, and he got a kick out of that.

* I was selected for another special writing project for a client. Plus, as I was submitting my final article for that series, I had an email requesting that I work on a project for another new travel client. I'm thrilled! (Especially since I did not work at all in January, although I'm glad I had that option).

*We bought a new car while we were in Texas, a GMC Acadia. While we thought we'd found a car in our Mazda that would work for us for a decade, there were some minor issues that became significant over time (super long doors, no towing ability, limited access to the third row) that our new car remedies. The car was an adventure, but I'll blog about that later.

*Smoky and Nermal missed us while we were gone- to the point that our giant dog climbed in my lap when we got back. Luckily, we have some amazing friends that took care of him in our absence.

Ok, I think that is enough of an update for now. I've got more stories to share about this month, but this is getting long!